And Motherhood Begins

Thanks for joining me!

If I stopped at one wine this wouldn’t have happened. If only I stayed home that night this wouldn’t have happened. “If!!”

I guess I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best mum I possibly can be and a set back like this is really tough. I was just getting fit again, going to bootcamp and being really healthy. Then I make a silly decision to go to a friends birthday gathering “after” I’ve already had a couple of wines and had friends over for dinner. “Just stay home you silly bugger!!” Says a voice inside my head. So you know what I do. I go! I’ve always been a stubborn bitch.

I mean I have a baby daughter for crying out loud! Although my husband was at home to look after her I still shouldn’t have gone. When I drink I just get so carried away and want to do everything/see everyone. It only takes me two glasses of wine and I want to partaaay! I guess that was ok when I didn’t have a baby daughter but I do now, I can’t be like that anymore. I want to be the best possible mother I can be for Calla.

These first few months of her life are going too fast and I want to be fully present, remembering every special moment. I want be the best version of myself I can be, healthy, happy, present and energetic. So I end up going to this gathering, I trip and fall onto a massive boulder rock. Breaking a rib and bruising my spleen/ kidneys. The moral of this story is (don’t be a stubborn bitch!!) ha ha jokes that will never change. For me this was a sign for me to stop drinking.

I know I’m far from an alcoholic, I don’t crave alcohol, I’m not hanging for it, I don’t even drink all the time. My problem is I just don’t know when I’ve had enough. I don’t know when to stop! For me there is a fine line between being relaxed from alcohol and being drunk, I don’t know if I’ll ever find that line. I know I put a lot of pressure on myself in being a mother, but I think that’s a good thing. The last couple of weeks have been very challenging.

I had to really take a step back and let others help look after my daughter Calla. Looking after her is my life at the moment as a stay at home Mum, it’s what I live for. I couldn’t even pick her up for the first few days. I think it hurt me more mentally than physically. It felt like post C-section all over again. Then just when I think I’m getting better another hiccup comes along and I develop fluid on my lungs. It feels as though I’m at square one all over again. I guess it has to get worse before it gets better, huh? I just hope this recovery process speeds up abit.

I know this is nothing, but to me it feels like a big deal at the moment. I think this is a time of growth and change. It’s time to work on becoming the best me I can be. I’m incredible blessed and also so grateful for the life both Ben and I have created for ourselves. Have you ever woken up and realised that your life is exactly what you once wished for? Well this is my life now, and I need to remind myself each and everyday of how far we have come. This bump in the road is a time for me to reflect and grow.

Food for thought- This is your life, are you who you want to be?